There are some of us in the world that really want to help people, but do so in ways that are unhealthy to ourselves. We might stay up too late too often, we might drop things that are important to us (school, work, family time, etc.), but the worst part is that we start to put so much value in others that we do not value ourselves. For me, this process started with listening. I would listen to people as well as I knew how, and then would try to encourage them. So far, we are okay. However, I would internalize and worry about their problems, I would try to think of ways to help them with whatever their problem was, and would just generally devote a lot of time and thought to their problem. In High School most of this thinking would occur after I went to bed--not good for sleeping. Eventually, I started to feel like I should not tell anyone if I was struggling because I did not want that person to feel like I did. This was not good for my health and my thinking continued to spiral. Eventually I started thinking that it was my job to just deal with things and be happy for everyone else, and in order to do that job I could not talk to people about my problems.
The above paragraph is a demonstration of empathy gone wrong. Heavenly Father loves all of his children which means He wants me to be happy too. Learning this was a slow process, one that I have to continue working on even now. It took seeing friendships that really worked, it took having friendships where people cared about how I was doing and not just what I could do for them, and it has taken a lot of time and studying. To those like me--there is hope! There are people, outside of your family, that are capable of caring about you as much as you care about them. There are friendships that are just as refreshing as they are exhausting. There are boundaries that you can set for yourself. Most importantly, Heavenly Father wants you to set those boundaries, find those friends that will bring you happiness too, and to flat out take care of yourself when you need to.
Think, for a second, about the story we find in The Bible about the two men--one with a beam in his eye, and one with a mote. I do not remember which had which, but for what I am saying it does not really matter. The important thing is that neither could truly help the other without first fixing themselves. I know that often we think, "right, don't be a hypocrite. Don't get after people for doing things that we do ourselves." My thought as I read this one day was, one had a mote and one had a beam. Their problems were different, though no less blinding. Then I realized, I cannot effectively help someone else if I am not well myself. I might be able to begin helping them, but it will take longer and all the while my own problem will grow and do more damage until I can't even do that. I have to stop, take care of myself, and when I am better I can go back to helping. He loves when we help each other out, but He also tells us to take care of ourselves. I am important too, and this means that I can take care of myself first.
I want to make sure that I am clear--we are supposed to help out the people around us. However, it is very important that we help ourselves be healthy and happy too. We will help others better if we do this.
