Kids Say (and do) the Darndest Things

My absence from blogging has been filled with 5 and 6 year olds and the fun things that they do and say. There are always more, and I wish I had recorded them all, but here are some that I can share with you!

On the first day of extended day kindergarten, one of my new all day kids said, "When I grown up I am going to be a police officer and arrest you for teaching kids!" When I asked how he thought he was going to get away with that he used the very simple logic, "I can arrest anyone I want!"

This poor girl, the first day that she did fluoride somehow missed the direction to spit her fluoride back into the cup when the minute was up. (SUU students help kids with this in the hall) She is generally quiet, so naturally when she walked up to me and started gesturing with her hands I told her to "use her words." I felt AWFUL 40 minutes later when she gestured from her mouth to the trash can and I had the awful realization that she still had fluoride. I promptly told her, "Yes! Spit it out!" and apologized. Later I had to laugh because that was pretty remarkable that someone of any age could maintain that fluoride for so long without spitting it or swallowing it! When I told her mom about it she had the grace to see the humor in it also.

Our playground has one of those big tic tac toe boards on it. One of the kids came and told me, "I am playing tic tac toe, I am the o and Olly is the tic!"

When I picked up my class from PE one of the boys said, "My hairs are hot!"

that 

The school counselor would come every other Friday and talk to the kids about skills that help us communicate better and to have friends. One day she asked the kids how much sleep they should be getting, my favorite answer was, "90-40-2!"

The speech therapist came to the extended day class and did some group lessons with them. When they were working on the /g/ sound she had them each tell her what their imaginary goat would eat. One of them said, "I feed my goats humans." When I looked at him in surprise he said, "What? He is a mean goat!"

I wish I remembered the context for this one, but part of what made me laugh about it is that it was one of my "tough guy" students. At some point this year I said something that caused him to respond with, "You're going to make me faint!"

One of my students made me completely question the decision to read them a story called Santa's Underwear because of how he answered a question. The story is about Santa looking for his favorite Christmas underwear so that he can go out and deliver presents without getting cold. At the end, there is a new pair hanging in his closet with a note from the reindeer saying that they had noticed the year before that he was badly in need of a new pair (it showed the old holy pair hanging on a clothesline). I asked them (poor decision on my part) how the reindeer knew Santa needed new underwear. Without missing a beat one of my students flipped around in his spot and said, "because they saw this!" and promptly mooned me. Surprisingly, and thankfully, I don't think that the class really picked up on what had happened.

On 100's Day we all dressed up like we were 100 years old and one of my students declared that "old people look like potatoes!"

When I asked the kids why they thought the ocean was salty my favorite answers were: 1) "People put a lot of salt in it" 2) "So the fish can breathe" and 3) "The salt comes off the fish."

One of my students, ever a peacemaker was playing with toys one day when someone knocked over their house. I watched with some concern as he turned to that kid, put his hands on either side of his face and said, "Don't break our house you silly goose!"

One morning when the kids were playing with toys I heard a bunch of them chatting together. One of the girls said, "I can even beat up 11 year olds." 

One of my sweet students struggles with the art of communicating. One day I was trying to explain to them that they are not allowed to hit someone when he came back with, "Teacher you don't love me!" I assured him that I did, but even though I love him I can't let him hit people. "No, you don't! You don't love me! You're mad at me!" Though I hope that one day he understands better, I also hope that he maintains his sensitivity. If I ever made a sound, even for a character in a story we were reading he would say, "Are you okay teacher?!" Bless his sweet soul.

Towards the end of school I was picking up my students from the computer lab, the computer teacher told them they could line up by me when they were finished. One of them jumped in line and said, "Teacher, I am done as a bun!"

Reason # 463 that I don't answer phone calls from numbers I don't recognize...

Not more than a half hour ago I was allowing myself a moments rest from thoughts of Kindergarten when my phone rang. As always, I look and see if I know the number. I didn't. The number was a Utah number, so I answered it like I sometimes do when it is an in state number and what do I hear? A really long and loud burp on the other end. A burp worthy of Elf. The burp is followed by, "Hello? I think I may have called the wrong number. Is this ________?"
*Sigh*
*Face Palm*
Whhhhyyyyyyyyyyy????

This experience is a first for me, and I hope it is not the beginning of a trend.

The Songs We Cannot Sing Leads Me to this Idea I Cannot Shake

"And Jesus listening can hear the songs I cannot sing." Elder Holland used this line in his April 2017 conference talk, and I have not been able to shake the following thoughts ever since then.

D&C 25:12 says, "For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads." My previous understanding of this scripture has led me to sing hymns in a way that made them my own sincere prayers. I think that understanding is still important, but the line "And Jesus listening can hear The songs I cannot sing" in combination with that scripture has brought a new idea and understanding to me: Jesus listening can hear the prayers I cannot say.

Elder Holland, in that same talk, says, "Among the realities we face as children of God living in a fallen world is that some days are difficult, days when our faith and fortitude are tested. These challenges may come from a lack in us, a lack in others, or just a lack in life, but whatever the reasons, we find that they can rob us of songs we so much want to sing."

Sometimes life becomes so hard that I can only find the words for my prayers in a song, and when life is that hard I find that I truly cannot sing that song. My voice will break under the weight of all that I feel. In the very literal sense, those become songs that I cannot sing. At other times I find that my mind and heart will be so overwhelmed and cluttered that I can find no words, mine or otherwise, beyond, "Help me, please." And Jesus listening can hear the songs I cannot sing--the prayers I cannot say.

Abide with Me!

Abide with Me! fast falls the eventide;

The darkness deepens. Lord, with me abide!

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,

Help of the helpless, oh abide with me!

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day.

Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away.

Change and decay in all around I see;

O thou who changest not, abide with me!

I need thy presence ev'ry passing hour.

What but thy grace can foil the tempter's pow'r?

Who, like thyself, my guide and stay can be?

Thru cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me!

The above song is one that I cannot always sing. Occasionally it is just a line or two that says what I cannot say, sometimes more. Jesus listening can hear the song I cannot sing, and He answers, "with a blessing upon their heads." In one instance he answered this prayer in the form of another song:

Be Still

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still and know that I am here

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still, be still, and know.

When darkness comes upon you

And colors you with fear and shame

Be still and know that I'm with you

And I will say your name.

If terror falls upon your bed

And sleep no longer comes

Remember all the words I said

Be still, be still, and know.

When you go through the valley

And the shadow comes down from the hill

If morning never comes to be

Be still, be still, be still.

If you forget the way to go

And lose where you came from

If no one is standing beside you

Be still and know I am.

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still and know I am.

I know that Jesus listening can hear the songs we cannot sing. I know because He has answered those songs with blessings upon my head. Whether it be with another song, the sealer at someone else's sealing, a line that stands out in a scripture or a talk, or a simple well-timed text from a friend--Jesus listening has heard the prayers I cannot say. Even when I could say nothing more than "Help!" He has answered. He understands us perfectly and is therefore capable of hearing what we cannot find the words to express. Though the darkness deepens, The Lord with us Abides.

• Elder Holland's Talk is titled Songs Sung and Unsung and can be found in the May 2017 issue of the Ensign Magazine
• "Jesus listening can hear The song I cannot sing" is a line from There is Sunshine in My Soul Today, Hymn number 227 in the LDS Hymnbook
• Abide with Me! is Hymn number 166 of the LDS Hymnbook
• Be Still is a song by the Fray, I found the lyrics on Google Play Music

Poisonous Bird

First Graders, they are generally adorable. Whether they are mixing the words "hand" and "sanitizer" (unintentionally) and saying "hanitizer," or they are roping me into a rousing (for me) game of Duck Duck Goose, or even telling me that they were gone the last Friday because they were at a funeral (I was concerned until...) where they had a blast in the primary room. Perhaps, though, my favorite part of this last week of school was when they found the giant moth pictured above. 

I was playing that game of Duck Duck Goose (where I was the goose almost every other turn) when three different kids came and told me three different tales. The first was the tale of a monster that fell from the roof causing all of the kids to scream. The second was, "Mrs. S! There's a poisonous bird over there!" The third was, "You have to come see the giant butterfly." The truth was some weird combination. The moth was innocently on the building when a kid knocked it down with a ball. It fell to the ground. As it tried to fly it appeared to be having a seizure (so observed yet another child) and kids were shouting about it being poisonous. Meanwhile the poor thing was being poked and prodded with sticks and fingers. When I went over there I made the mistake of asking, "Could someone gently pick up the moth and put it somewhere safe?" (Mistake highlighted for emphasis.) Immediately several shouts of "I can!" were heard while the moth was miraculously not squished by the many hands fighting to be the someone that I spoke of. Fortunately, after many shouts of, "GENTLY!" from me (which of course made me think of Princess Bride), the moth took off from someone's hand and slowly struggled through the air across the playground and to the other side of the street. We were all able to watch because it was big like unto a bird and colorful like unto a butterfly. That is the tale of the Monster Poisonous Bird Butterfly Moth.

The last day of school, the majority of the children abandoned their adorableness in favor of becoming monsters themselves. They pretty much decided that because the classroom was bare it meant the rules were not in place. When I entered the classroom Mrs. Olsen was with some of the students meeting their second grade teachers, but there were some kids in our classroom that had already met their teachers. They were running around and yelling. They had treats from their future teachers that they were not supposed to eat, but one boy came and said. "Mrs. Olsen told us not to eat these, but she isn't our teacher anymore so I don't have to listen!" I told him that Mrs. Olsen was definitely still his teacher for the day, and even if she wasn't she is a teacher and should be respected. He disagreed and continued to reign down chaos and lead the rebellion. Mrs. Olsen came back right about then, and I would like to think my speech about showing all teachers respect made the difference, but in all likelihood it is just easier to rebel against a teacher that is out of the room. Sadly (or maybe it is a good thing that will help me hold on to the memories of their adorableness) the rest of my time at school was spent without the children. 

Thus ends my 2016-2017 school year in First Grade.

BEWARE of Little Brother

Dan and I enjoying the Christensen Reunion

Once Upon a Time (I had to start that way because this is as grim as any of Grimm's Fairy Tales) there was an older sister that went and spent her Spring Break with what family was available to her. Among those family members was her youngest brother, Dan. He is smart, full of stories, and completely dangerous to innocent older sisters.

For example, one evening I was feeling the need of a snack. So I looked in the pantry and discovered that the Good Morenings waffle cereal was almost gone. Since Dan was also in search of a snack, I went downstairs to get a new box. When I arrived back upstairs with my fresh box of cereal, Dan came out of nowhere and snatched it out of my hand. I thought to myself, "Huh, he must not have known about the other box." So I pull out my bowl, my spoon and get the old box out of the pantry. I open the box and am about to pour when *poof!* that box is snatched out of my hand as well... Watch out for that smart boy that looks all sweet and innocent, he may snatch 2 boxes of cereal right out of your hand!

Dan with Chewy, or rather, Chewy on Dan

Finally, as Chewy and I are about to depart from Payson Dan informs me, "You need to visit every Saturday from now on." Obviously I am flattered because he clearly wants to spend time with me. Then he goes on, "You need to come every Saturday to buy dog food because Chewy is staying here with me." Warm fuzzy feeling is gone. Not only did he have designs to steal my dog, but he also wants me to drive up every single week to buy food for that dog...

You have been warned. If you are ever in the presence of that little brother, beware! He may have designs on your cereal and your pets!

Girl Vs. Dog

Despite the title, I usually get along with my dog quite well, but there is one thing that always seems to set us at odds. This event occurs when I am trying to be a good and kind dog owner and recognize that my furry pal should have some exercise, and probably needs it more than I do since he has twice as many legs. So, like the kind friend to my dog that I try to be, I take him to the park. I look around to make sure that we are pretty lonely. I take him off his leash. That is when the battle starts.

I throw him a ball, and like the excited dog that he is, he runs to get it! The problem is, he does not always stop and come back. Occasionally he just keeps on running (trying to achieve his dream of being a bloodhound, I am sure). I whistle, I yell, I beg, I nearly cry and still I am faced with his tail getting smaller in the distance. What now? I have tried using my voice. (I know he can hear me, I test his hearing at home with whispers...) So what else is there but to go after him? I have discovered that when I chase him something in his doggy brain says, "Look at this! A new game! We are going this way and she is running too! She's calling my name? What fun!" Today I tried something new, today I thought, "Maybe if I throw the ball and start running the other way..." Nope.

Girl tries to do right by dog. Dog innocently starts war. Dog wins. Dog is completely oblivious to the whole battle. Girl comforts herself with the fact that the dog must love her a bit, because he at least always comes home with her...even if he doesn't always come when he is called. The end.

Off With His Head!

I do not know much about the Juvenile Court System, but I believe I witnessed first hand while on Lunch Duty why we reserve the "jury of our peers" for adults. Imagine a school playground. It is a nice, sunny day, with a light breeze carrying the sound of loud voices and laughter. The 5th grade is outside playing. On the baseball diamond there is a game of baseball going on with plastic bats and balls, surprisingly well organized. On the playground there are kids running, climbing, swinging and sliding. There are boys playing on the basketball court. There is a group of girls practicing their gymnastics. As I look around some of the shouts become more clear, "Red head!" As I locate the shout I see a girl with red hair chasing around a boy. Eventually there is a whole group of kids chasing each other, some shouting about red hair, others shouting things like, "Why did you get everyone to call her that?!" As I think about whether or not to intervene I see one of the girls run up to a different boy and say, "Whatever you do, don't say 'red head' or 'ginger' around Ashley!" Which of course means that he promptly looks over and yells, "Ginger!" and the chasing starts all over again.

As I watched this play out, I realized that this is how 5th graders socialize. I remember many similar situations on the playground when I was younger. For whatever reason, that seems to be part of our learning process on how to gain the attention of others. 

Fast forward a bit and they are lining up to go inside. I notice that one of the classes seems to be having a hard time and that one of they boys in that class is standing about 10 feet away from the line. Part of the class is yelling at him to line up so that they can go inside, the other part of the class is yelling things like, "Just leave him alone!" (Merciful, right?) They continue, "If he doesn't line up he doesn't deserve to eat, but we don't have to worry about it." (Nope, not merciful.) Then the first half starts yelling, "He needs to line up or go to skills!" The second half responds, "Just leave him, he can stay outside and not eat." By the time we get inside the kid is refusing to go into the lunch room, "I don't deserve lunch apparently, since I didn't line up I don't deserve to eat!" 

As I watched them all eat and tried to pretend that I wasn't starving, I thought about how we learn to behave socially. I thought about how it is such a long and awkward process since we start out fighting for attention in somewhat rude and inconsiderate ways. How even mercy is something that we have to learn, and if not mercy, at least finding a consequence that fits the crime. I thought about how good it is that in those situations teachers get to choose the consequence and not a jury of their peers, because apparently staying 10 feet back from the line is a crime punishable by skills without lunch. Finally I thought, "I am so glad I am not in that phase anymore!"



Note: I really have no idea what the name of the red headed girl is!